February 1, 2021
I did a technology cleanse from Saturday 7pm to Sunday 7pm this weekend. It was both intoxicating and necessary. Anxiety crept in at around 5pm on Sunday when I knew that I had to turn my phone on. to sit in on a Clubhouse meeting at 7pm. (The only reason why I would even, okay not true – I also needed to blog and hadn’t scheduled a post for today) Turned out the meeting was about African spirituality and not about raising funds for Africa which I thought it was for – no big deal – I ended up getting three more bookings for the Love, Do It Podcast from three amazing women who I cannot wait to speak with during the following weeks.
Elon Musk is on Clubhouse right now and people are asking him about Memes.
The future of humanity…
A download that came through today in between eating the carrot cake I made, playing music, and reading the gene keys was that unhelpful thoughts, the sinister stories that our minds create when one is doing the dishes, or moving from point A to point B are ancestral happenings that occurred before that are asking for our attention for reasons only they would know. Somewhere along the linage line, that very thing that I was thinking about – the act of thinking implies a desire to search for the thought, but sometimes it happens involuntarily, especially when a thought was created out of self protection, like “my partner will cheat on me so I don’t have to love him now and really we’re not meant to be together” – was something I created in my mind to protect my heart from getting broken again – a defense mechanism that was created to avoid loving or falling in love. Either way, now when I am unguarded, the same thought enters my mind even though I have changed how I felt about the situation and have recognized that the thought stemmed from a projection that came from a shadow that had not been integrated – can one integrate shadows and if so, do they cease to exist after integration? or do they morph into something else later on? like a cloak wrapped in expansive magic, ready to lead consciousness on yet another twirly journey?
conceptual telepathy – I can get behind this, Elon.
The terror of going to Mars, for me, comes with the fact (and bitcoin too, really) is that not everyone will a) be able to go to Mars, or b) want to go to Mars c) tension between the two states of those who want to go but cannot go d) the excuses that might arise to not take care of our planet because “we have Mars” – will become an outsourced solution to a (planetary) icon that will absolve us from our responsibilities of taking care of the planet that we have been put on – perhaps all this is inescapable and the journey to space is simply a fact of the future that I must learn to accept – I accept and resist it at the same time. The point of tension that this creates is where I often find myself living anyway – to get rid of capitalism but wanting a lot more money, to sing about the banks shutting down but starting a company that relies on PayPal for its transactions, wanting the slaughterhouse to shut down but needing food for Micah –
the paradox and duality can cause great grief if one is unable to properly navigate the codes. I am learning how to casually ignore the things that do not make me feel like I want to live, and focus on the things that do. Above all else, if one can be a participant in society with minimal attention drawn to the awareness that cognitive dissonance occupies a habitual mental plane for functionality purposes, then one is able to suspend disbelief of “Reality” and participate in the activities that contribute to the continuation of one’s existence. The depressing thing about social media (for me) is not that our egos are constantly challenged, but that we have access to such a mental state at all; where social media and “the number of followers” is a thought that takes up mental space in some of our heads and not “where is my next meal coming from?” or “when will we get permanent housing?” – or perhaps both – for some – I don’t know – my realm of thought lingers in the “there is a solution to this problem, I need to find the proper channels of communicating the plan I’ve been working on for almost three years to the people who have access to the resources that will be able to make this plan come true.” – the plan to end plastic production, poverty, homelessness, slaughterhouses and the war. Without forgetting the millions of years it has taken us to get to this point, and the time that it might require to dismantle this system from the inside, outside, corner and reverse engineer thought patterns that keep people imprisoned to their thoughts.
The plan – I will return to this again at some other point because from past experiences, the missing gaps in the plan make people anxious because all the how’s are not finalized yet. It feels close. With Clubhouse being such a resource-driven tool, anything feels even more possible. There is hope and a light that gets brighter everyday. I just wish there was a way to convey this message to people so that don’t feel so alone and miserable. But I suppose everyone has to battle their demons with the tools that they have – maybe this blog is a tool shed for depression, anxiety, and self-loathing. I don’t know yet, but it’s February and I was meant to make up my mind about what it is I am going to focus on.
Vision without action is a dream. Action without vision is simply passing the time. Action with vision is making a positive difference. – Joel Barker Playing music today for the majority of the day and night felt like the message was clear. I’ve known this for awhile now. Music is my first and only real love. It stays and waits patiently for me to address my insecurities and then it lets me have at it in whatever way I need to release, repent and resign my bitter angry sad thoughts and feelings that swing around inside of me like a pendulum on crack. Crack is whack.
I promised myself that I would get on a better sleep track now that the new month is here. I need to address my sleep cycle which is why I am going log off now and get ready for bed.
Here is a little slice of joy.
Here is a recipe for vegan crust from scratch using coconut oil for those who can’t and won’t use frozen pie crust out of principle and dignity, or if you would rather stay home and avoid the snow and wanna use the stuff in your pantry. No judgement.