January 20, 2021 So I’m on this Free 5-Day Blogging Bootcamp for Beginners and one of the first things that the writer/blogger/video person is saying that I need to get more niche within my scope of “what is the blog about?” and this is what I do not like about patriarchy: the methodologies and logical deductive reasoning as it pertains to success and wealth accumulation. It is boring and targeted. Why can’t I just have a blog and write about whatever I want to write about? I can. “But that won’t make you any money” a voice I hear somewhere says to my brain- immediately I shut this down – because anything is possible as long as it’s injected with the right intentions and the clarity of vibrational frequency of what it wants to attain – right? I think, yes. “Who is your audience?” – From senior year in college to final year in grad school I have swiftly avoided this question. Today – as in – right now – I am forced to confront my refusal. Obstinance can be counter-productive. Like how I refused to use Google Calendar 6 months ago and now the multi-colored squares greet me every morning with a soft kiss of “this is good for you, look how much you’re growing.” The truth is I have been silently sabotaging myself because of unheard voices that made themselves known late last year. Deadly subconscious killers that have nestled their way under my heart and created walls of steel around me finding an ounce of vulnerability that would have allowed me to say “okay, I’m really tired of working four part time jobs because I refuse to work for “the man” and slave away at a desk” Instead, I was running around between Brooklyn and the Bronx working as an after-school Robotics teacher, a line cook at a restaurant, a Girl Scouts STEM instructor on the weekends and sometimes had to travel to far away places to substitute teach. I did this for 2 years. While working on an interactive participatory game show called “Who the fck is Cho Chang?”, acting in my friends plays, and studying for my realtors license. Which I finally passed after 4 tries. And making music. My life was a mess. I was exhausted all the time. But it felt amazing to be able to wake up whenever I wanted and go to bed whenever I wanted (except on Tuesday evenings when I taught in the Bronx on Wednesday mornings). Rent was paid and raves were attended. That was freedom. To me, I as already successful. The ethnographic manuscript that I wrote for my graduate thesis got shoved on a shelf, unable to revisit the palpitations of sorrow it brought. I wasn’t even focused-ly writing until about 3 weeks ago when I started putting things on this blog. Consistency is worth something. Targeted focus without expectation that people would read and comment is bliss. I am successful. I get to go to bed whenever I want and wake up (to some extent) whenever I want – and get to work on what I want. Sure, having more than $300 in the bank account would be nice which is why I am opening up 13 different income streams. So I guess there is something that could be improved upon should I mentally direct these posts to a specific audience. Therefore, in the name of please pay me one day to write, travel, make music and film, cook yummy vegan food, DJ by the beach, and act in movies, I have decided that this blog is for the BI-RACIAL – BI-SEXUAL – BI-CULTURAL FEMALE IDENTIFYING WOMAN WHO LOVES ANIMALS, MAKING VEGAN FOOD, MAKING VIDEOS ABOUT ANTI-PLASTIC PRACTICES, FOLK MUSIC AND RAVES. There. NICHE ENOUGH? Probably not. The guy in the video breaks it down: What can you not shut up about? The interconnection between plastic, poverty, homelessness, violence through slaughterhouses and the war and why how eliminating plastic will be the catalyst for all the other aspects of our unnecessary oppression to end. (and how women are awesome because we will change the world. Men, smile, nod and help us thank you) 2. Who Are You? late 20, bi-racial – bi- sexual – bi- cultural artist/writer/actor/musician/director/chef/filmmaker 3. Be Specific. Anti-plastic solutions and fun things along the way to curb burnout. There. I feel like this will already help me be more specific and will probably help me with creating more targeted articles that will be helpful to whoever comes here – who comes here, by the way? I kinda wanna know and I also kinda not wanna know. My roommate just coughed really loudly. I would LOVE to be paid to write – LOVE to grow this skill and learn web design so I can change how this blog looks – that will take time – I am okay with that – people keep telling me how I need to “focus on one thing” if I want to be successful – but I can’t. I try and I try but I can’t. This is why these posts arrive between 2am-5am EST because I LOVE waiting until the day is almost done so that I get out the very last thing on my mind before I take a shower and go to sleep. I LOVE sharing resources. In the time that I started writing this (I must have opened the WordPress site around 2pm today) I sent an outline for anti-war masks to a friend, watched those videos I posted below, submitted a play to a residency program, recorded a song and submitted that to a sync listening session, finished week two of an online spiritual class im enrolled in, talked to a friend in Singapore, Yoga-ed and Clubhoused – yes it has turned into a verb – where I heard Holly Tuckett speak in a women’s entrepreneurship session. I reached out and she graciously gave me 2 hours of her time later on in the afternoon as we discussed camera gear, gender politics, patriarchy, her different jobs that eventually landed her into documentary filmmaking and our love for music and cats. wonder about this definition of success often – something like Brain Pickings? She’s amazing and has MENTAL HEALTH On Week 2 with Mandy Morris Authentic Creation Program and we’re learning about how our programmed beliefs create the subconscious reel that ends up running our lives. Meditation shows up again as a way to shift our grey matter. Focus and feel. Focus on what you want and then feel the feeling of having the thing or achieving the certain circumstance that you’re looking for in your life. Healing the Brain with Neuroplasticity After Trauma 8 Neuroplasticity Exercises for Anxiety and Depression There aren’t many neuroplasticity exercises designed specifically for depression, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do anything about it. All of these activities and exercises—many of which you’ll recognize from more traditional advice on managing depression—have been found to improve neuroplasticity and may be helpful for dealing with depression: Memory tasks and games; Learning to juggle; Learning to play a new instrument; Learning a new language; Yoga; Mild to moderate regular exercise; Challenging brain activities like crosswords or sudoku; Learning a new subject—especially a large, complex subject in a short period of time (Hellerstein, 2011). REFLECTIVE MEANDERINGS The Ultimate List Of Podcasts Hosted By Asian Women by Sheena Yap Chan I found myself googling “Asian Podcasts” and then “Bi-racial Podcasts” because I remembered that I was also Jewish and white – I don’t care that my mother is not jewish and “therefore you are not jewish” argument because trauma doesn’t see gender or weird patriarchal rules.
“Jewish as predominantly a matter of ancestry and culture, rather than religion” – so there – Jewish.
Anyway I googled “Bi-racial podcasts” and found the Bi-racial unicorns .
Militantly Mixed, is a podcast about race and identity from the Mixed-Race perspective. Every week host Sharmane a.k.a MixedGirlMane, will speak with Mixed-Race people from all over the world about their lives and coming to terms with their ethnic identity.
I am bi-racial, bi-sexual, and bi-cultural. This is just to say that I am throughly mixed up. In Singapore, people would refer to me as “Rojak”.
Picture by this place
Rojak history
“No one really knows the origins of rojak as Asia boasts many variations of the dish. These include the Indonesia gado-gado with rice cakes and vegetables drenched in a peanut sauce to the Indian rojakwhose peanut sauce is fiery orange in colour and used as a dip for its ingredients like fried dough, potatoes and steamed squid.
Rojak is typically sold by Chinese hawkers. Until the 1980s, rojak sellers could still be found, often illegally, moving through neighbourhoods on bicycles. Today, they have found a home in most food centres throughout the city.” (Visit Singapore.com)
With that said, I’m starting a Podcast for QPOC/POCQ/CQOP/OPQC/COQP/PQCO/PCOQ/QOPC you get the gist – my eyes started hurting after OPQC –
For those who feel left out. Please practice a moment of mindfulness as this is the exact space where I and many QPOC think/act/love from.
Q – Queer
P- People
O- Of
C -Color
the different variations point to the intersectionality of where we live – we cannot escape our brains, our bodies or our boos. who we choose to love is tied up inextricably with how we love and how we love is inseparable from what moves us and what moves us (me) is a tug of war between living in the present fuckery and creating in as many mf ways a different world which comes with a different way to fucking THRIVE on this planet because 99% of what is, wants us dead. – in some innocent, innocuous, patronizing way. When I say that I am “queer” I mean that I lie to get what I want without guilt as a way to fold whatever system of oppression is weighing onto itself (like changing price tags on things) – I steal – from department stores (I used to) – I capitalize on my charm to get my friends and myself into clubs and get rich men to buy us things, I used to be a model at foot fetish parties to pay rent where I met dominatrixes who were medical professionals and lawyers, actors, and singers who, like me, were grinding in the city, doing what they were doing “for the bills” and “to pay rent”. This is why I stand with the #cancelrent movement – next comes #cancelmortages and then #cancelwallstreet – and then #cancelplastic and then #cancelslaughterhouses and then finally #cancelthewar which will bring about a global #cancelpoverty and #cancelhomelessness – the powers that kept us in isolation and in fear are fading with every high-five, hug, re-connective email to an old friend, apology, love letter, and kiss we give ourselves and each other – these are all pivotal moments of my queerness because it comes from a place of “fuck the system, it’s killing not only me and my friends, but the very people who are showing up to work at jobs that are perpetuating their death.” nothing made sense growing up. it still doesn’t. I refuse, with my hand in the air and an eye roll, to participate in its legacy. I do not vote. I do not pay taxes (only in 2020 because fuck you and the war you are still waging even though you promised us that you would stop it), and I did not pay my credit card bills for two years (this, I am reluctantly doing because I want to buy a house and my white bf has convinced me of the importance of this) – more on who I have chosen to be with in another post – I hope I remember to come back and link it here – my politics is confusing to most people and that is okay – I know what I stand for and what I believe in and why I believe in what I believe in – Joe Biden winning presidency and half the Nation’s yay-ness of that because it wasn’t Trump is terrifying – like okay the alcoholic dad won custody over child only because he collects stickers whereas the heroin addicted mother grows hot peppers like what?
Enough about that for now – it is 435am and I need to rest. Grateful that I have this space to write my heart out, whether or not it gets read is pretty much besides the point – I’m thrilled that I gave myself time to care enough about my inner world – to carve out my thoughts, even for myself to get clearer on what I am doing and why I am doing it – the only thing on my to do list that I didn’t get to do was “The Goals” The new year is in two months – like my friend Icarus, I count March as the beginning of a new cycle. So with that said, I leave you with the outline of my podcast, “Love, Go Do It.” followed by some inspiring yumminess. Thank you for being here. And if you identify as a QPOC or another configuration of existence, I encourage you to sign up for a session with me. I am so excited that I am finally allowing myself to do this.
“Love, Go Do It” is about Money, Magic and Motherhood. It’s an unearthing, uncovering, unveiling of our hidden relationship to The Mother. This ranges from our bridge to biological mothers, to Mother Earth, as well as the process of Self-Mothering (which I have had to learn how to do and would love to hear how other QPOC have learned how to approach that aspect of living) We will be recalling our “phoenix moments”, while sharing tools/resources/methods/mental thriving strategies. It is both a network creation and collective share-out for QPOC who are healing, loving, letting go, and returning to themselves, which is Source.
VIDEO(S) OF THE DAY
Create Forever with Ira Glass
The Gap by Ira Glass
Junk Cabin: Secretly building my wife a COVID office
LITTLE SLICE OF JOY FOR THE DAY
Vegan Rojak By Vegan Keno?
PS: Please sign the petition I made to end plastic production forever. Thank you.