Originally posted January 5, 2021
Today felt like a dream. I went to bed at 430am on Sunday and woke up at 7am to read for a bit, Micah woke me up and I couldn’t go back to sleep again. I must have fallen back asleep at 830am and when I woke up it was 1pm. I haven’t slept like that in a really long time. There were dreams about old friends, making up, forgiveness and some type of traveling expedition where I was a host consoling one of my old friends in Singapore. Micah is sitting on the couch next to me right now and we haven’t sat next to each other like this in a really long time. I’m on here today because I am keeping a promise. It isn’t a goal to blog everyday but there is something magical that happens when I keep to some type of routine. There is a part of me that is inherently resistant to anything requires commitment in the name of productivity even though consistency needs to be applied. I am stressed out with money, not having enough of it, wanting more of it, but not wanting to do more for it because it feels icky. I will have to change my attitude towards that this year once and for all. In many ways I have already started. It isn’t that I am unwilling to work hard, I want to love what I am doing and not be doing it “for money”. I know that I need it but I don’t wanna spend too much time discussing the intricate ways of how I will achieve what I want in this life time. Yet I must, if I want to buy a van and travel around with Micah and ZW. My big time dream is creating content while I’m on the road visiting factories, schools, giving talks and hosting workshops, playing shows and food investigating in different cities and farms, collecting sticks, making friends, oh my god my brain is lighting up just thinking about all this. I feel like graduate school might have ruined me a little. Not to blame anything or anyone but I do feel like getting an MFA in Writing really messed with my head a little. Because now whenever I write something I have this little voice in the back saying well it better be good or your language is inaccurate here bla bla bla – getting an M.A. in Community Development and Planning makes me feel like I should know more about zoning laws than I do. Getting a B.A in theatre arts and women and gender studies makes me feel like I need to have an acting career already or a play published or some type of proof that I’ve made use of 8 years of higher education. But really now all I wanna do is learn how to grow food, build a home, adopt some kids and die by the ocean. In the meantime I would like to win a Grammy for best Motion picture soundtrack to a movie that I love, be in a movie with Donald Glover, have breakfast with Wiz Kalifa, write, act and produce my own TV show, publish a few books, open a restaurant, start a precious plastics unit all over the world that is part of a larger movement of people and communities where together, we end the production of plastic forever. Here are things that I am working towards for “financial freedom” I started a Minecraft company called liberatory learners in November of 2020. We have 2 students enrolled for the next 12 weeks. I would like enough students and I don’t know how many that looks like but enough where classes are rich and fulfilling and I am able to actually start saving for my house. I launched a Patreon account where I will make music videos and share my art with members and get more of my stuff out into the world and make a living being an artist instead of cowering at the thought of being a “sell out” because I make money from what I love doing. Starting this blog (and posting occassinsaly on Medium) and learning how to make money from donations once I get a better handle on what this blog is, who it serves, and how it will move in the world. Learning how to sync my music in the ad, TV, and Film world. I have one song on Spotify now. It was a great way to enter 2021. I want 30-50 songs on Distrokid by the end of the year which might be a little ambitious but I feel like once I make room to learn Logic Pro, I will be able to produce my own music instead on relying on a producer. I’m taking a course with Kris Bradley to learn how to do that. Waiting for a check from a play I did last year so that I can buy Logic Pro. Started a Twitch account – my goal is to become an affiliate member by the end of this year. This way I am earning while I am curriculum planning and playing Minecraft online, and also possibly through sharing music and food recipes. Get professional headshots done so that I can apply and audition for more roles in film. Make a video reel for the same purpose. Get better at editing and making Youtube videos. Make enough money so that I can buy Final Cut Pro and work with that instead of iMovie which is what I using now cos I downloaded the trail and now its over. Unblock, realign and lead with an open heart chakra so that I am not blocking myself energetically from receiving these gifts while maintaining a balanced emotional state as best as I can throughout the day, every day. Learn more about Tarot, Energy healing through Chakras, Crystals and Stones, Moon Cycle, Herbs, oils, deities and astrology to work with every day. Learn how to do a handstand and practice spinal waves so I build upper body strength which will reflect a certain level of physical fitness that will be needed for my acting career which also means being able to combine 3-6 different shuffle moves at a time. Start a catalog of food recipes that I’ve been building which means getting better at food photography and writing about food in general. Micah is still next to me. This is probably the best way to end this weird day. There was a line outside the gym today so we didn’t get to work out. Tomorrow I visit a new chiropractor which is down the street instead of an hour away in Queens even though I will miss Helena a lot and will probably visit them every once in a while to get Mama’s Empanadas. Tomorrow is also the first day of a table read for a TV show that I got casted in called Weed Worlds. I will get my schedule and contract so I will be able to get a better sense of how much I will be making and when I am called. Super excited to be part of this and I know that this will mean probably leaving New York City to move to LA at some point which is both sad and exhilarating at the same time. This might be my last winter for awhile. These are the companies who responded to our “can we help you change your current plastic packaging” emails that we sent out last week.
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Dave’s Killer Bread
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McCain
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Kraft Heinz
Ending the production of plastic will take time. I feel called to do this because I can’t not do something when there are tools to make this happen. Maybe I should focus on one of the 12 things on the goals list and get my way into the companies – or become super rich and buy them over – or become famous enough so they will listen to me, or make enough videos and gain enough traction that influences these gate keepers. I just heard a seagull outside. It’s 12:23am. The Moon is in Libra. I should get ready for bed and read the book that Nina sent me called women who run with the wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Before I forget, Bodhi Kosher Vegetarian Restaurant is my new favorite restaurant in New York City. They make delicious vegetarian dim sum everyday until 945pm. We went there for New Years and it was amazing. Worth sitting out in the cold for 2 hours. Sticky fried balls. Char Siew Bao. Turnip Cake. Long beans. Vegetarian Xiao Long Bao. Enough said. Next time we go I’ll take pictures. Here’s a little slice of joy in the meantime.